You have piqued my curiosity from the moment I read your message to me; you thought what I did or said was cool. Though I hardly think so. My life then was still a mess, I have unsettled feelings for my past, and still (trying hard) to fix things in my life, so a month has passed ‘til I talked to you. Oh gosh, do you remember that night? It was after wee hours, I was so hyper, I was blabbing but you still think I was cute (you always said that, I don’t know why).

Any way, I’ve always known you were something, and somehow I feel deeply connected to you. I cannot fathom why because we don’t each other too well, but one thing I am sure of I had always like you. Days passed, we talk about stuff, but never like real talk, for some reason, I never got through that wall of yours. Then that thing happened accidentally, which drew us closer, I began to know you, we started planning things, adventures, sharing dreams. 

I started liking you more and wanting you more and more everyday. I was falling for you. But then I remember it again; the pain of wanting someone so bad, loving someone so much, getting too close but then in the end you ended with you heart broken. You were easily replaced. How much more to fall for someone whose unsure of what he wants, nothing is more depressing than wanting someone so bad but you don’t even know if he likes you or what.

So I acted cold to you (my desperate attempt to protect my vulnerable self) and then I take flight. I let you think I didn’t’ care but that’s completely the opposite. Then one day, you said those words I’ve been wanting and waiting to hear. I thought I’d be happy but I was not, I was even more confused. 

I needed time to assess my self, my feelings. When I came back, I was so glad you were still there, still the same sweet, kind, naughty l person I know you were. I know we weren’t exactly at our happiest when we met, but as far as I can remember, you gave a lift to my spirits just when I needed it most so I decided I want to see this through, wherever it may bring us.

May 6, 2012: You said “I love you! :]”. I was surprised really. You always caught me off guard baby. I said it back. The next day, I remember was one of the happiest I can remember. I could not help but to smile because of you. It felt so great.

One night, you asked me to go to concert with you but I never gave you an answer. I know I’ve been asking you. I guess I chickened out this time. I’m sorry. It was all going so well. I got scared that something would change. That I was going to ruin it. And so I did what I do best, disappear. You didn’t hear from me, I didn’t hear from you. Now, here we are. Ignoring each other or at least on you part. I was hoping we could end better than this. But maybe you don’t care any more.

I’m blogging at my own risk, actually. I know someway, somehow, this is gonna get to you. This might anger you even more or you might just not give a damn but so be it. I’m baring my soul on the Internet, because I find it therapeutic, and I just need to get things off my chest.

lazybutttina:

I can’t seem to get your attention anymore. I see that other girls can and I can’t. Idk what else to do anymore. I’m trying to get things back to normal but I can’t do that if you don’t trust or believe me. There’s plenty more girls out there that I know are wayyyy better than me. All I can say is I’m sorry.

(Source: keepsmiling-tina)